At the end of February I went through the worst time in my life … I had a miscarriage. You can read about it in my post here. Since then I have been off work as I haven’t coped well with it. I have felt guilty about being off; I know that some people go back to work quite quickly, but this is one of those things that people deal with differently and for me, I haven’t been able to.
The time has come though, when I feel that I should go back to work. So next Wednesday I will return full time and to be honest, I don’t really know how I feel.
I’m worried about seeing everyone and what people will think about me having had a miscarriage and having been off for quite a while. I’m worried about how I will respond if someone mentions my miscarriage to me. I’m worried about how I will cope getting back into full time work in a pressured job (which I do like, but have been away from it for what seems like ages). I’m worried that I will have forgotten how to do my job. I’m worried that my professional reputation will have taken a dint because I’ve been off for so long. I’m worried I won’t be regarded as a strong, reliable employee. I’m worried about being around so many people as I have spent most of time trying to get through this by being only with my close family. I’m worried that my workload will have decreased so that I spend a lot of time dwelling on my thoughts. A member of my team has a baby due any time now and I’m worried how I will feel about that (and I feel guilty about feeling worried about how I will feel because I think it seems so nasty and selfish of me – does that make sense?).
What am I looking forward to? Emm … that’s kind of a harder question to answer. I am quite looking forward to doing some work and not feeling guilty about being off. I am looking forward to trying to pick up where I left off with my prospective career progression. Ok, I’m struggling now.
I have to say that my work have been really supportive with what I’ve been through and haven’t put any pressure on me. My decision to go back to work next week is my decision, no one has said I need to go back now “or else.” I think I have to do this and try to move on with my life, and even thought that’s what I am going to try to do, I will never ever forget my baby. This is something I am always going to be sad about, but I have to go on.
Have any of you at any time had to return to work after a while off? How did you feel going back and how did it actually go?