A couple of weeks ago I went to the hairdressers and whilst I was there, the apprentice (she’s a lovely 20 year old girl who is usually bright and bubbly) was talking to the hairdresser and myself about some problems she was having with her boyfriend. It brought so many thoughts and feelings back to me from a similar situation that I was in at her age. So I thought I would try to write some advice for people going through a similar situation in hope that it might help.

These are some of the things I went through in the bad relationship that I was trapped in:

  • I knew that something was wrong but didn’t want to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else.
  • I knew that it wasn’t me that had done anything wrong; it was my partner (e.g he would have a go at me but I hadn’t actually done anything), yet I was the one that ended up feeling like I was in the wrong and I ended up apologising.
  • I withdrew into myself and became self-conscious.
  • I ended up not making any decisions for myself.
  • I didn’t have any control over my life – he controlled my bank account, money and even what I ate.
  • I was’t allowed to buy anything – at times he would try to ‘keep me sweet’ by buying me a present – however a couple of days later, he would take that present back to the shop, return it and spend the money himself.
  • I wasn’t allowed out of the house unless it was with him, but he made all the decisions about where we would go.
  • I didn’t have any friends anymore.
  • He didn’t like how much work I did – he stopped me going to University and when I worked, he would have a go at me for how much work I did.
  • I would think about what my life might be like if I left him (even though I knew I wouldn’t) but I would think that I would be on my own forever.

People who aren’t in this position or been through a situation like this, can sometimes wonder why you don’t just leave. But when you are going through this you don’t actually realise how bad it is. Yes you are dreadfully unhappy and you know it isn’t quite right, but that’s your life and you become used to it. I went through this for 10 years. Eventually, it got to the point where he stopped me seeing my family (I am very close to my family) and this is when I got the courage to put an end to this by leaving.

There was obviously a lot more to my story about what I went through, but I just wanted to share these points to try to help others going through this. It is hard but you will be ok if you leave that situation. You won’t be on your own – there is so much help available and you will meet someone when you are ready to. You need to take some time to focus on you. You will re-learn yourself: what you like and who you are. You’ll not forget what you have gone through but it will get easier and you will end up stronger. I have, and still do, have problem related to the troubles I had in the abusive relationship, such as depression and anxiety, but I am ultimately stronger now than I was. And you have to try to understand that that’s what those relationships are: abusive. No one deserves to go through that.

You can be brave enough to pluck up the courage to get out of it and not go back. If anyone is struggling with a similar situation, or knows someone who is, and need someone to talk to or some advice, then please do not hesitate to get in touch with me.

I hope that this can reach people who need help or advice. You aren’t alone.

x

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28 thoughts on “Courage to escape a bad relationship

    1. Thank you. I am so much happier. I struggle now and again with how I feel but I am so glad I got out of that situation. x

  1. So brave of you to share, thank you! I’ve been in a similar situation; it’s only now that I’ve come to realize that it really was an emotional type of abuse. So many times, I questioned myself because he did.

    He preyed on my insecurities, even if he was just “joking” and that’s what finally broke me. I couldn’t do it any longer. We should be proud of ourselves! It’s such a scary thing but such a gratifying feeling once everything is said and done.

    Amazing post.

    ♡ Christine Anne
    A Blueberry Girl

    1. Sorry to hear you have been through a similar situation but well done for getting out of it. It is such a courageous things to do to remove yourself form it. Onwards and upwards! 🙂 If you ever need to talk, there’s a ear here to listen. x

  2. I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through a relationship like that. It must’ve taken a huge amount of courage to finally leave! Really, I admire you for being able to, because whenever I was in a bad relationship (nowhere near as abusive as yours, though), I basically just waited around until they broke up with me… I also admire you for writing this blog post and opening up; I’m 100% sure it will help other going through a similar situation.

    xoxo
    Freya
    thatgirlyt.wordpress.com

    1. Thank you. All relationships that aren’t right are hard to go through and we all deal with them differently but I do hope that people will be able to get out of them. x

  3. I actually cried reading this. I have just walked away after 2 years and cant believe I managed it. I have finally git a new home and job after not working for years and reconnecting with my friends. I still struggle, I beat myself up everyday for allowing him to do this to me! x
    Lola Mia // http://www.lolitabonita.co,uk

    1. Well done for leaving – that takes so much courage and you’ve done it. Things will be tough but will get better from now. It’s brilliant that you are reconnecting with friends; they will offer so much support. And it’s fantastic you have a new job and new home – a new start is just what you need. Don’t beat yourself up about what you have been through – it is not your fault and just look at it as how much you’ve learned and never be in that situation again. If you think you are becoming involved in that kind of situation again you know how it is now and know you have the bravery and courage to walk away from it and come out of the other side stronger. If you ever need to talk I’m always here. x

    1. It is awful that people go through this, but hopefully others will be lucky like me and get out of them. It’s great you are in a loving relationship – it’s nice to hear happy stories too 🙂 xx

  4. This was so brave of you to share, I can’t imagine the level of courage you must have to summon within to be able to realise and leave: hopefully this post can help others to do the same, sending you so much love! xx

    1. Thank you. I am so much happier now. I hope the hairdresser will be able to get the courage to do it. It is so difficult and I could see the torment she was having within herself. I think she will get the strength to leave but it will take a bit of time. Thank you for lovely comment x

  5. This is a brilliant post. Thanks for sharing it, I’m sure many will find it very helpful.

    My last relationship taught me to trust my instincts (my ex is a liar, a cheat and a gambler, I learnt to not trust him the hard way!)… If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. Take yourself out of the situation and then look back… that’s when you see the whole picture.

    1. Thank you. You are right that when you take yourself out of the situation and look back is when you see the whole picture. I couldn’t believe what I went through when I look back.

    1. Thank you Lisa 🙂 It is hard to get the strength to start again but you end up being stronger in the along run. 🙂 x

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